Was I in an interview? In an exam? I front of a judge? No, I was sat on a stool answering questions about my company and what I do! How can this be highly uncomfortable? Let me tell you the brief story.
So I was told a couple of weeks ago that we need to have some new photos taken. Well, I’m not a massive fan of that but I can survive 10 minutes in order to get the site launched . Then, on the day, I’m told that we’re also going to do some “talking heads” and answer questions about what we do, why is coaching important in leadership, what makes a high performing team. Now, looking at those questions, I’ve answered them many times and, I like to think, I give pretty good answers. So why am I sat in a separate room on my own, pretending to send a “very time critical quote”, while my business partners and friends are answering the same questions and making it look easy?
One of the questions Steve answered was about why we don’t perform well under increased pressure. He mentioned about how our amygdala highjacks our brains and makes us less and less intelligent as the pressure continues to mount. BINGO! That’s me…right there….right then…I was letting myself go into panic! I have spoken to so many people about this, in classrooms, in coaching, and I know the theory, and yet, I was letting myself go into a panic about being asked questions I’d answered hundreds of times before.
Why?
Once I had taken a few deep breaths and calmed myself down, I realised what the problem was. I was afraid of getting the answers wrong in front of other people. Because I should know the answers to these questions and I should be able to give very intelligent, coherent responses. But, at that moment, all I could think about was getting it wrong. Fear of failure was driving my behaviours.
I was in a fixed mindset. I’d convinced myself that Steve and Trev could do this a lot better than I could, that I should just let them do it, that I can’t do it and that I would get it wrong. I felt threatened that they were better than me so I shouldn’t try for fear of looking stupid! I’ve talked to hundreds of people about self limiting behaviours, about growth vs fixed mindset and had many discussions to say “What’s the worst that could happen?”
So I asked myself that question, “What’s the worst that could happen?” I’m in a little room with very supportive people who I’ve known for years, who, if I totally mucked it up, would laugh with me and not at me. Who wouldn’t hold my failure against me, who would help and support me and ultimately, if I just couldn’t do it, would understand and we would carry on. In other words, I was in a psychologically safe place where I could try and either succeed or fail and the world would still turn.
Anyway, now that I was calm(er than I was), I started and the answers flowed, it felt fairly natural (except for the fantastically bright light shining in my eyes) and I got through it.
Learning is one thing, consistently applying what we learn is something else. Telling others to do something is easy, doing it yourself and dealing with the feelings is totally different.
My final takeaway….I still don’t like doing the Talking Heads videos….but I will throw myself into it the next time we do them! And if Trev tells me to be more energetic and move my hands more...I'll impolitely tell him to go away!
